


Invisible Soulmates

by ArtieSafari



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Actually kind of canon compliant, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Maybe with a twist?, Not Canon Compliant, Soulmate AU, but not entirely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-26 13:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtieSafari/pseuds/ArtieSafari
Summary: When you find your soulmate, nobody else can see the proof. Some couples claim to be soulmates just because they want to be, not because they are. And some soulmates pretend not to be, even though they are. So if you reveal your soulmate status to anyone else, it's not guaranteed to go over without a hitch...TJ Kippen is your average 13 year old in Shadyside, but when he touches Cyrus Goodman for the first time, he sees it. Vibrant colors swirl around him and make him dizzy and are gone as quickly as they came. But Cyrus is a boy, and TJ is supposed to be straight. And if Cyrus finds out they're soulmates, it'll become just too real for the teen.So now it's up to Thelonious to avoid letting Cyrus touch him, no matter the cost.





	1. Where It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've become really fond of soulmate AU's, but I thought it'd be fun to include a bit of a twist. (At least, I hope this is an original twist to it. Maybe it's not, who knows? But it'll still be fun to write.) Besides, where's the fun without internal angst and paranoia? I hope you enjoy.
> 
> (Also, I hope the world makes sense, but if not, please tell me.)

> _What'll you do if your soulmate is really ugly?_

At the age of nine years old, I sat in my basement with Reed and Lester, some cheesy action movie playing in the background. The main character had just discovered his soulmate, but she was the villain's wife. She was adamant she was telling the truth, but her face revealed it all. If I was being honest, that was the subplot I was most interested in. Not in the fighting robots, or the kidnapping, or the giant explosions. But the internal and external conflict of two people destined to be together but pulled apart by the world and even by each other. 

Reed, decidedly less interested in the plot, asked us this as if it were a dare, to which we both laughed.

"I'd just pretend she was a crazy liar," Lester said. It's impossible to know how true that really was. For any of us.

"What if your soulmate is, like, thirty years older than you? And owns fifty cats?" Reed asked. Lester and I shook our heads in disgust, not even wanting to entertain the possibility.

At nine years old, it's easy to assume our worldview was superficial, to sat the very least. And although we had only learned about the soulmate concept within the last couple of years, we had heard horror stories from every possible angle. Soulmates were supposed to be beautiful, but for every perfect couple brought together by the short and sudden whirlwind of color and the intense feelings brought along with it, there was at least one couple being destroyed because someone was lying, and nobody on the outside could tell which. And even people who knew who their soulmate was would sometimes go to great lengths to hide it.

But fighting fate doesn't end up working so well.

Some people would be much happier without a love interest, so they'll never get a soulmate. But if they try to pretend, even if they find someone willing to play along, they'll never truly be happy going against their nature. And when the wrong couples get together, it usually becomes obvious with time. The universe knows what it's doing when it pairs people together. 

But knowing that and believing that are two different concepts entirely. And the human will, even when it's wrong, unhealthy, or dangerous, is stubborn. Some people are able to delude themselves, to bury themselves in such deep denial that even they've lost sight of what the truth is and breathing becomes a strenuous workout. 

So although some soulmates fall together easily, many go through hell to get to paradise. And if your soulmate breaks expectations, is someone nobody would ever assume the universe would pair you with, even if you're both entirely sure, the world will make you question your very being. Your very sanity. They'll pester you with questions, trying to trip you out. Are you sure you saw it? Are you sure you saw it _correctly?_ Are you just saying that because you have a crush? It's not healthy for you two to pretend like this. Are you sure it happened when you touched _them_ and there was nobody else involved?

Some people would spend their lives making casual contact with as many people as they could after they hit the age of thirteen. So they wouldn't dare develop feelings for someone they're not meant to be with. And some people avoid touches more than germaphobes, so they can prolong the disappointment by discovering who is, or isn't, their soulmate. 

So as kids, sitting in that basement, we liked to speculate the worst-case-scenarios for our soulmates. _What if your soulmate is an alien? What if your soulmate is your teacher? What if your soulmate is dead?_

"What if your soulmate's a _guy?_" Reed asked with venom in his voice. I froze, copying Lester's reaction since I couldn't find one of my own. There was a knot in my stomach but I couldn't identify why. Except I could, but I wasn't going to let myself realize it.

Sure, maybe there was a time I thought I had a crush on the artsy boy in the corner of the room, but I didn't. It was a trick of the heart, I just admired his art and his unique self-confidence. Nothing more. Nothing. At all.

As the movie came to an end, Reed's parents had pulled into the driveway, quickly followed by Lester's. As soon as they were out of the house, my mom asked how the day went. All I could give her was a "fine" before hurrying up to my room. 

My mom had a soulmate, he didn't turn out to be a nice person. He was manipulative, cruel, and even violent when angry. She decided if someone like that was who she was meant to be with, she'd rather be alone. But only after ten years of marriage and an eight-year-old child was caught in the crossfire. Some people criticized her for going against her nature, but we both knew it was him who was straying. The universe would never put such a kind woman with such an unkind man. Even the universe wasn't the merciless. Right?

Because again, that was the thing about soulmates. If you're with someone the world disapproves of, they'll call you a liar until you believe it yourself. If you leave someone the world does approve of, they'll make you hate yourself for disobeying the greater plan in place for you. Maybe the trick was to stop caring about what other people thought about you, your life, and your soulmate.

But I wasn't good at that. Laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, my head spinning and taking my stomach along for the ride.

What if my soulmate's a guy? What if I brush up against a guy and I nearly trip over myself from the dizzy spell brought on by colors of touching your soulmate for the first time? What if I touch him again and the world becomes just a little bit brighter, as described by everyone who accepted their soulmate enough to touch them more than once? 

No. It wouldn't happen. Eventually, I would find a girl, we'd hug, and we'd experience the sensation together. Or I'd touch her on the shoulder and I'd know, tell her, then she'd touch me and she'd know for sure too. It had to happen like that, right?

I begged the universe to make it happen.

But that's the thing about the universe, it doesn't care what you think you _want_, because it knows what your true nature is. It knows what you deserve, what'll make you happiest, and things only go wrong when we try to fight against it.

But when the moment came, fight was exactly what I had to do. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only somewhat canon compliant chapter. Basically it's the muffin scene if TJ didn't touch Cyrus three different times during it, and the swing scene minus Buffy showing up.

At age thirteen, I stopped purposefully touching people. The only times it happened were on accident or when I was playing basketball. As terrified as I was of finding my soulmate during a game, my love of the game superseded my fear.

When Buffy Driscoll joined the team, she became a threat to only one of those. Because deep down, I knew she wasn't my soulmate, I knew she couldn't be, in that deep, guttural way I didn't know how to put into words. So when I shoulder checked her during drill, it wasn't an excuse to touch her to see if I'd see the colors. I didn't. It was a warning to anyone paying attention to stay out of my way. Besides, if we hated each other, I wouldn't have to worry about _why_ I had known so instinctively that she couldn't be my soulmate. 

Then she was assigned to be my math tutor, and she refused. But she was my only option, because without her, I'd be kicked off the team, maybe even held back a year. So I picked up my dignity, ready to offer her whatever she wanted in return.

At first, she just wanted me to pass her the ball. And I could agree to that. But her eyes flicked past me to the tray of muffins in the lunch line. 

"You get my friend Cyrus here, a chocolate chocolate chip muffin," she said, pulling the frightened, brown-haired, doe eyed boy next to her. "Then we have a deal."

"You can't get your own muffin?" I asked out of instinct. It was meant to be a jab, but it didn't exactly come out that way.

"I didn't need this extra level of embarrassment," he said to Buffy, before turning back to me. "But no." 

"Well, I can do it, but teach a man to fish?" I don't know why I offered. It was to seal the deal with Buffy, I told myself. That was all this way. Go the extra mile so she'd feel awful if she went back on her promise.

I didn't touch him. I didn't even come close. I wasn't going to make even accidental contact with him if I had anything to do with it. I simply pointed to the muffin tray. 

"Walk to the muffin like you already own it," I said.

"He can't do that," Buffy retorted from behind us.

"Hey, don't tell him what he can't do." We were both surprised by that reaction, but I couldn't help it. I wanted this kid to believe in himself, if only for a few moments.

"Then what?" he asked.

"You take the muffin."

"That's it?"

"Just don't let anyone stand in your way." The two of us shared a look of acknowledgement and he started walking towards the muffins. I wanted so badly to push him forward, to give him the extra boost he needed, but I couldn't. It was too dangerous. So instead, I just gave him an encouraging nod when he turned to look back at me. 

"Mind if I...?" he asked, voice quivering as he reached for a muffin. The line started shouting at him and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I had to help him out.

"Hey!" I called, walking up next to him, leaving a couple inches between us. "He's with me!" Suddenly, the line shut up and I gestured towards the muffins with my head. He grabbed one and was all too happy to sink his teeth into it. So with a last quip to Buffy, I was off. She knew she owed me big time for that. So the mission was a success and I'd never see her friend again, except maybe in passing. 

But after the first tutoring session was going horribly, and I found myself at the park a block away from the school, he was the first person I saw. Sitting on the swings, closer to swaying than actually swaying. A part of me wanted to run away, and a part of me wanted to go up to him.

I learned which part of me was strongest that day.

As I got closer, I could hear him singing.

"Legs go up, legs go down. That's how we make the swing go round. Drag your feet, you go slow. The more you drag, the less you go." The first word that came to mind was cute, but I pushed it down as hard as I could. Fun. That was a better word for it. It was fun.

"Nice song," I said, leaning against the pole of the swingset. He came to an abrupt stop, a mix of fear and shock in his eyes. I looked around the park for a moment, landing on a piece of equipment on the other side. "What do you sing when you're on the slide?" I asked it as a joke, as a way to break the ice, but he actually sang a little song in the same tune as his swing song.

"Huh, didn't expect you to have a song for that," I said, and his body started to untense. "Chocolate chocolate chip muffin, right?"

"Scary basketball guy." I sighed and stood up straighter.

"Actually, TJ."

"I know. Cyrus." Cyrus. Right.

I started wandering behind him towards the swing next to him. "So, you hang out here a lot?" I asked, grabbing the chain of the swing.

What followed was a bit of a blur. One moment, we were talking, then I was swinging much higher than he was. And in the thrill of the moment, all I wanted was Cyrus to swing higher. To get out of his comfort zone.

So for a few moments, I forgot about everything. I forgot about my insecurities, I forgot about soulmates, I forgot about all of it and jumped. And when I was behind Cyrus, and I pushed him higher for the first time, I nearly fell flat on my face and my gut dropped.

The swirls of colors were almost as bright as the sun. My heart was pounding as hard as my head was, and I couldn't stop myself from reeling backwards. But he didn't notice, and when his swing came backwards, I had regained enough balance to push him forward again. When my hands touched his back, the world got subtly, but unambiguously, brighter.

"I-I gotta go," I said, turning to rush away. 

"Wait, TJ," he said, digging his heels into the sand and catching up with me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just, I have a thing. But thanks for reminding me about swinging. That helped." When he smiled at me, the butterflies in my stomach went into overdrive and my heart skipped a beat.

"Well hey, you know where to find me." I nodded and smiled back before turning to leave. My head was in a million different places at once.

My greatest nightmare came true.

My soulmate was a boy.

A stupidly cute boy with a smile brighter than gold and who could be assumed to have a heart to match.

My soulmate was Cyrus. But he didn't know yet. And he wouldn't know.

I decided right then and there to keep Cyrus from touching me at any and all costs. It was the only way.


	3. The Struggle Begins

Avoiding Cyrus was easier said than done. He was in two of my classes, he came by basketball practices to support Buffy, and his locker was only three down from mine. I don't know how I never noticed him before, but now he was an omnipresent figure.

At first, I just tried to be curt; not rude, just blunt. Keep my replies short and leave as quickly as I could. But Cyrus was either incapable of taking a hint or was already too invested in me. Because no matter how little he could get out of me, he would keep trying to talk to me. But maybe I couldn't blame him for that, because maybe I was just bad at it.

Even when my replies were blunt and to the point, I had to make a conscious effort to wipe the smile off my face, to keep myself from letting my guard down every time he laughed, or made me laugh, and even our shortest conversations were dangerously long. A part of me felt like he knew. Like he was purposefully trying to coax me into admitting it because, despite what it seemed, he could be as stubborn as Buffy when he really wanted to. 

"Yo, dude, what's up with you?" I jumped in place, having to reorient myself to where I even was. My basement. With Reed. Lester was grounded. We're watching a movie. Right.

"Nothing, why would something be up?"

"Don't play that with me. I've known you long enough to know something's different," he said. "You've been staring off into space."

"I'm just invested in the movie." He arched up an eyebrow.

"Okay. Name a single thing that's happened." I glanced to the screen before looking back at Reed, wearing an "I told you so" smirk I was all too familiar with.

"Fine, you win," I said.

"So? What's up?" My answer was silence, staring up at the ceiling and trying to will myself out of this situation. What was I supposed to say? That I found my soulmate and he's the cutest, sweetest guy I could've ever imagined but I can't get close to him because then he'll find out and I'll have to admit to the world, and worse, to myself, that I was...

Even in my head, that word burned.

"Wait a second," Reed said, and my heart stopped. "You found your soulmate, didn't you?"

"W-what? Where'd you get that idea from?"

"You're blushing. You, the great TJ Kippen, are blushing. I never thought I'd see the day," he joked. "Seriously, who is it?"

"You're delusional," I said, sitting up as my phone buzzed in my pocket. 

_"Saw these. Thought of you." _It was a picture of Cyrus at the grocery store, holding up a pack of chocolate chocolate chip muffins with that same goofy smile on his face. It shouldn't have meant anything, but the fact that he thought of me, that he cared enough to tell me, made my chest heat up. 

"See! There!" he said, and I fumbled my phone, barely catching it as Reed laughed. "Come on, man, nothing to be embarrassed about. Who is she?" Suddenly, my chest burned for an entirely different reason. How would he react if he knew? It would be up to the whims of the universe. That was one of the few things I didn't know about Reed, despite the couple of times I'd tried to pry it out of him. He hadn't taken the bait, and being any more obvious would be dangerous. 

"It's nobody."

"Why are you so asham-." He stopped, his jaw dropping and sliding into a smirk. "It's Driscoll, isn't it?"

"Driscoll?!" I spit out in a laugh. The thought made me sick to my stomach. "Never in a million years..." My voice trailed off. It would be a convenient explanation. Maybe he'd even be merciful and drop the subject entirely if he thought it was my worst enemy that I was only starting to develop feelings for because I found out she was my soulmate. "...Fine, you got me," I said, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Dude!" he said, slapping me on the shoulder. I was just lucky Reed hadn't been my soulmate, as even after my thirteen birthday, casual touches between us weren't an anomaly. Not really common, but not rare, either. The fear had certainly been there the moment I woke up that morning, though. "So, what are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, you can't just ignore your soulmate."

"Watch me," I said.

"Seriously, dude. Aren't you supposed to be the sentimental romantic here? Just tell her already. She's not gonna freak out on you, she'll know you two are meant to be together, and maybe then she'll stop being such a-"

"Reed! Your mom's here!" My mom called from upstairs. He groaned and stood up, heading for the stairs.

"Just think about it, okay?" As soon as I could no longer hear his footsteps, I buried my face in my hands. I wasn't about to cry. I wanted to scream, to punch a pillow, to bury myself in bed until the world forgot about my existence, but I didn't want to cry. 

I turned the movie off and paced around the room. What I was trying to accomplish, I wasn't exactly sure. But I kept stalking around the room until my mom's footsteps started echoing down the stairs. I sat down on the floor where Reed and I had been however long ago he was here, pretending to scroll through my phone.

"Pumpkin, dinner's ready," she said, peeking in from around the corner.

"Thanks mom," I said, standing up and following her into the kitchen. She had a fairly stable job since long before the divorce, a savings account with enough cushion to keep up better than afloat, and I was grateful to have her. Especially in moments like this, when we sat at the table, eating fresh lasagna. I don't know if it was the familiarity and the comfort of the situation, or if I knew I was going to explode if I didn't tell someone, but the words were out in the air before I had even registered them.

"I found my soulmate," I said. She dropped her fork and her jaw, letting out a soft squeal.

"Sweetheart, that's amazing! Who is it?"

"It's, uh, it's one of Buffy's friends," I said, hoping it would be enough for her. But I knew my mom.

"Does this friend have a name?" I glanced down at the plate, my stomach churning and my throat dry. Why did I say anything? Why was I doing this to myself? But when I looked back up, she was sitting there with a smile and a concerned look in her eyes, reaching across the table and grabbing my hand. She didn't have to say anything, I knew exactly what she meant. I took a breath and trying to find whatever spur of confidence had come and fled in the first place.

"Cyrus," I finally whispered. "His... his name is Cyrus." She gripped my hand tighter and I looked up to her soft smile.

"Honey, that's wonderful," she said. "Does he know?" I shook my head.

"No. I pushed him on the swing, that's when I realized. He hasn't touched me yet."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"I-I can't," I said. "If I tell him, suddenly everything will be real. I don't want it to be real." For a moment, she said nothing, just moved her chair next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," she started. "If people have a problem with you, that's not your fault. That's something they need to deal with. Don't let yourself miss out on something that could make you really happy because you're afraid."

"But what if it doesn't make me happy?" The implication was obvious. I could tell it had taken her aback for a moment.

"Nothing's a guarantee. But if you live your life afraid of everything hurting you, you'll end up hurting yourself. Don't miss out on life because you're afraid. If there's even a chance he'll make you happy, and the universe seems to think that's the case, don't hide away because of what other people might think. Other people don't matter."

"Thanks, mom," I said, before the two of us went back to finishing dinner. Once I finished and dropped the plate in the sink, I started up to my room.

"Hey, TJ?" she asked. I turned and looked back at her. "Thanks for telling me." I nodded and went up to my room, laying back on my bed. My head was swirling and I felt like I was falling.

But I guess that was the problem, I was.


	4. A Confrontation

"TJ?!" Buffy's voice called after me. I was sitting on the bench at the park, having just finished shooting hoops. "What's wrong with you?"

"According to you, a lot. Help me narrow it down?"

"Why are you telling people we're soulmates?" My heart dropped and my throat tightened. Reed told her. Reed went behind my back and told Buffy. I wasn't surprised, just disappointed. In both him and myself, for not seeing this coming. She put her hand on my shoulder, as if make sure she wasn't misremembering, before quickly pulling it away. "Well?"

"It's a long story," I said, my voice quiet. They were the only words I could muster.

"Well then, you better start talking," she said, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. What was I supposed to tell her? That my soulmate was Cyrus, that I was falling hopelessly for him but that I couldn't tell anyone, and that I couldn't even let him know because then all of this would be too real and I'd have to face my one greatest fear since forever?

"What does it matter to you? You know we're not, so what's the problem?" I stood up and started walking away, but she blocked my escape.

"The problem is you're going around lying about me. What if my actual soulmate hears about it? What then?"

"Not my issue."

"TJ!" she groaned out in frustration before taking a breath. "What is going on with you?" I sighed, guilt bubbling in my gut.

"I-I'm sorry. I just really can't talk about it." I sat back down, expecting her to give up and walk away, but instead she sat down next to me. 

"Look, I know we haven't always gotten along," she started, and I couldn't help but chuckle. That was putting it lightly. "But I'm a good person, so I can't just let you sit here and suffer. Even if a part of me wants to." This time, we both laughed, but it was hard to tell exactly how much of her was joking. "Seriously though, you can trust me."

I don't know why I did it. Maybe I was just too tired to keep fighting, maybe I knew we weren't going to get anywhere if I didn't start talking, maybe some part of me was just tired of hiding it. Maybe talking to my mom made it easier. Maybe I wanted it to get easier.

"I didn't tell people you were my soulmate. I told Reed you were my soulmate because he wouldn't drop it and I couldn't tell him the truth."

"Why not?" I took a breath, bouncing my knee and running my hand through my hair.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Not a soul."

"I couldn't tell him who my soulmate is... because..." It was now or never, but I still wasn't convinced 'never' wasn't the better option. "My soulmate... my soulmate is..." I was running out of filler words, and ums and uhs would only take me so much further. His name was stuck at the back of my throat as I looked into her eyes, mirroring the look on my mom's. I sighed. "I couldn't tell him the truth because my soulmate is Cyrus." 

"Wait, Cyrus? Like, my Cyrus? Like the Cyrus who won't stop talking about you, Cyrus?" 

"He talks about me?" I asked, a smile creeping onto my face.

"It's honestly kind of annoying," she said. "But he's convinced you can't be his soulmate."

"That was kind of the plan," I said. "When I pushed him on the swing, that's when it happened. And ever since I've been trying to keep him an arm's length away. Because if he knows, then all of a sudden, it's real. And I'm not ready for it to be real. I really like him, and I will tell him, eventually. Just not yet."

"Might be a bit late for that..." she said, nodding behind me.

Cyrus was standing there.

How long had Cyrus been standing there?


End file.
